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GOP Campaign Shocker! Palin Quits! Paul Doesn’t! Plus, Billionaires for Romney

I was going to write something about Sarah Palin’s shocking decision to forgo what would have been a brief, doomed and probably catastrophic stint as a GOP presidential candidate in favor of preserving both the modest illusion of substance and her very real and immodest income stream.

Then I stopped in at my pal Schmutzie’s place and saw that whatever I had to say is being better and much, much more sincerely said at the Conservatives4Palin website in this comment thread. Schmutzie singled out several comments, each more bizarre than the next; this is one of the saner ones.

To me, there was Ronald Reagan, and then there was Sarah Palin.
There was nobody else in-between, and nobody else since.

Somebody said, her time would be better to run in 2020.
Her children would be older and more settled on their own.

Sarah not running for president is life altering for me, and maybe all of us.
I don’t know if maybe I should not comment for a couple of days, or what, until I calm down a little.
I have deleted several messages before posting them tonight.

I’m getting through the ‘denial’ stage now, and starting with the ‘anger’ stage I guess. I’m certainly not angry at her or anything in particular. I don’t know what I’m angry about. I just am. Sooner or later I’ll get to the ‘acceptance’ stage and offer help with a new plan to save our country for our cubs.

God bless all the Palins, all the Palinistas, and God bless America.

Idolatry, free-floating anger and anxiety. Yum! Anyway, it’s almost hibernation time; sack out with the cubs for a few months and things will look better come the Spring and the sun and the salmon.

Even the press are bored with Palin now, finally, which may be why she phoned her decision in to second string reactionary radio host Mark Levin. It’ll be semi-interesting to see how successful she is at getting TeeVee face time during the next year. The less crazy the eventual nominee brings, the better her chances. I wish I still knew some reporters so I could send them over to look at the Palin worshippers.

Also, just wondering: does Herman Cain’s success in tandem with Michelle Bachmann’s failure mean that the far right are more sexist than racist?

Even though everyone (other than the exceptions noted) knew Palin wasn’t running and would never anyway attract the kind of support that the two heavyweight pretenders—New Jersey’s Chris Christie and Indiana’s Mitch Daniels (who I met a few times; have I mentioned that?)—might have done, her official exit apparently means that the money people can start taking Mitt Romney seriously.

How would that feel? to know that the reason people are giving you the nod is that an ill-tempered half-term governor declined to step up? Probably not too bad, upon consideration. You’re there and he’s not, and the billionaires are taking your calls.

One of them, Meg Whitman, wants to be Romney’s pick for vice president. Whitman is best know for spending close to $150 million of her own money on the opportunity to get creamed by Jerry Brown in the 2010 California gubernatorial election—that’s more than $10 million for each percentage point she gave up to Brown, who spent about $140 million less than she did, in the general election. Now Whitman is offering Romney’s campaign the same charm and political savvy that earned her the epic California beatdown.

But her money’s green and there’s lots of it, and she would probably settle for an ambassadorship or a cabinet post; secretary of labor, maybe. Somewhere she could put her legendary people skills to good use.

Ron Paul! Ron Paul has been pretty quiet lately. This is in part because the press refuse to give him his due. Paul supporters constantly complain about the short shrift afforded him, and the press always respond by saying that he doesn’t have a shot at winning the nomination so why bother. Which is true, but it’s also true of almost everyone they do cover, Sarah Palin being one case in point. Can anyone seriously argue that her policy proposals, where comprehensible, are less bizarre than Paul’s?

On some large issues—the futility of empire and endless war being one of them—Paul’s positions are considerably closer to majority ones than anyone else in the GOP field (or the Democratic one, for that matter). On others, of course, he’s a lonely, lonely man, but … Michelle Bachmann? Rick Perry? And is anyone out there other than a few dozen reporters carrying a torch for Newt Gingrich the way many people do for Paul?

Nay. Nay.

After much agonizing and many deliberative late nights, we here at BTC News have finally agreed upon our endorsement for the 2012 GOP presidential nominee. He’s a proven winner, astonishingly resilient, a foreign policy wizard—an arena in which the rest of the field are woefully deficient—and unafraid to explore radical solutions to economic woes.

Yes, we’re talking about Richard M. Nixon. We’ll have much more on this soon.

10 comments to GOP Campaign Shocker! Palin Quits! Paul Doesn’t! Plus, Billionaires for Romney

  • JackD

    The zombie candidate?

  • Schmutzie

    I would love to see a Zombie Dick Nixon throw his hat in the ring, but he was already elected twice prior to becoming a member of the un-dead. Now Jerry Ford on the other hand, that might be fun….A clumsy Zombie is an inherently funny chief executive.

    I think it’s Mitt by attrition. He’ll just bide his time until every other candidate has either officially pulled a Christie Palin, or has taken a turn in the barrel like Perry. The Hermanator is next in the barrel. Leave a hot mic in front of that guy for long enough and he’ll say something preposterous.

    • When Nixon’s new legal counsel, Louis Brandeis, gets through with the anti-democratic 22nd Amendment, people will wonder how it ever came to be approved. (About Brandeis, Nixon says that “the sonofabitch is the best damn Jew lawyer you can find.”)

      I am so deeply opposed to Romney. We simply cannot have an election in which both candidates have the entertainment value of logs.

  • We simply cannot have an election in which both candidates have the entertainment value of logs.

    And similar policies. Betcha Romney tacks toward the center again if he gets the nod, ‘though his furrin policy is all neo-con, all the time, other than the often-promised (every four yrs.) never fulfilled “Look, there’s a whole buncha people south of us!” Latin American promises. (We’re guessing that’s because the Mormons are suckering most of their new suckers there.)

    • I know, people are complaining about Nixon being a zombie, and here Romney is with Robert Kagan, Dan Senor and Eliot Fucking Cohen. The live ones are the worst.

      And yes, Whitman, although I am slightly more than 100% certain that the VP thing is either a complete delusion on her part or a Romney stratagem to separate her from the largest possible portion of her fortune.

  • Also: Nut-Meg as veep? Gee-ziz!!

  • justoffal

    Why would you be shocked at the pragmatic decision made by Palin? Are you so obsessed with the idea that she is nothing but an ID creature that you must assume she only has one speed? I predicted months ago on an ancient posting board draped in maroon that she would, could, should stay the king-maker rather than the try to become the…ahem….King. Why incur fifty million in campaign debt when you can bank it instead? See that’s the difference between the conservative take and the liberal take.

    This is also the difference between food-stamp households and those who actually buy their own food.

    • Hey, dude, thanks for stopping by. I’m happy to see that your ability to shed meaning like a duck does water remains intact. The only people who were shocked by Palin’s decision were those poor saps at Conservatives4Palin.com—who by your standards can’t actually be conservatives, I guess; you should go tell them— and their ilk who are still at large elsewhere. Other people, mostly reporters, may have been disappointed because her decision means the GOP debates will be less comedic than they might otherwise have been until her inevitable withdrawal; still others may have hoped she would run because the inevitable primary beatdown might finally have got her off their televisions.

      Anybody with a lick of sense has known for a lot longer than “months ago” that she wouldn’t risk crippling her hustle by turning herself into a third-string candidate. Since she can read a poll as well as anybody else, she has known for two years that even most Republicans would just as soon not go through another election with her in it.

  • Also, just wondering: does Herman Cain’s success in tandem with Michelle Bachmann’s failure mean that the far right are more sexist than racist?

    I’d guess that Cain’s brand of lazy corpocratic “think” tank crazy is a lot more palatable to the money people than Bachmann’s plain-old crazy. Also, her husband is gay, which be that one extra dose of scary Otherness that some of the votin’ folk won’t get past.