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In which Christine O’Donnell is scientifically vindicated

Delaware Senate Candidate Christine O’Donnell is running an advertisement in which she says she’s not a witch but she is you, but which doesn’t mention her signature issue. Fortunately, she’s featured in an anti-masturbation post on Christwire.org that offers Reefer Madness-like insights into the practice, along with a list of “The 10 Worst Masturbation Propaganda Films on the Internet”.

Each of the videos is fairly vividly described and accompanied by an anti-masturbation-related gem. My favorites:

3. Every Boy Gets Hard (1975)

If you’re looking for the definition of a “dirty old man” you need go no further than this video, replete with pornographic pictures the mustached elder pulls from his pocket to show the youth on a stained, saggy couch.

“Masturbation is reported in all countries as a frequent cause of insanity; sometimes it is the prelude to mania, to dementia, and even to senile dementia; it flows into melancholy, leading to suicide. It is more fatal in men than women.” –Dr Robert P. Ritchie, “An Inquiry Into a Frequent Cause of Insanity in Young Men”

10. What the Heck is Happening to My Genitals? (2008)

An odd example of contemporary sex ed that uses cartoon graphics to familiarize children with the mystery of their genitalia. Describing a female body part as, “a special place that smells like the sea” many will find particularly reprehensible.

“As a society, this degree of self-manipulation goes too far in familiarizing men and women with their bodies. These people become less active in their communities and begin to see themselves as sexual predators whose sole purpose is to climax at the end of the night. Masturbation has had a ruinous effect on the institution of marriage. Countless couples have been destroyed by porn addiction, many other men have just given up on the idea of marriage because they prefer to pleasure themselves whenever they choose, free from the interruptions of family life.” –Christwire, “How To Spot a Masturbator.”

Visit the site for the full list and links to all the videos. And look for all this stuff to be read into the Congressional Record when Ms. O’Donnell hits town.

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4 comments to In which Christine O’Donnell is scientifically vindicated

  • Harvey

    Bill Maher’s simian face and monkey moves led Christine to doubt Darwinism. In the Delaware Senate contest, Christine O’Donnell is more qualified than her opponent, the old Marxist whose name is not allowed on NYmag comment board. Now, that’s funny!

  • A squid, oyster, and a wizened top-hatted peach. That’s, uh, educational.

  • badmash

    I just signed up to your blogs rss feed. Will you post more on this subject?