I got an email from my good friend Barack, and he asked me for my commitment to vote. So I wrote back and said, sure, I’ll vote. I’ll vote for my other good friend, Jerry Brown, and I’ll vote for whatever Green Party candidates are on the ballot, because you guys are malicious idiots. Thank you for reminding me.
His email had a link to a page where I could put my commitment in writing, so I did, and where I could explain why I would be voting, which I also did. When I submitted that form, the page redirected to another one enjoining me to donate to some Obama-related thing or another, which I declined to do, but Barack didn’t allow me the opportunity to say why.
Even though I didn’t care to donate, I did read the plea, which included this:
We have an ambitious plan to reconnect with voters across the country as we make clear what’s at stake in the fall elections.
And I have to ask, why is it that you need to reconnect to voters? What happened to that original connection? Did the chin tilt go awry or something? And why wouldn’t your supporters know what’s at stake in November? Do you think they’re stupid? Or is there possibly something you may have done that diminished your value in the eyes of some constituents?
Hmmmmmm?
EXCITING UPDATE! Mitch Miller, the Obama director of bandwagons, just emailed me to thank me for my commitment to vote even though I said pretty horrible things about his boss and his boss’s hirelings. And he wants me to forward my commitment to five friends! And if they tell five friends, and they tell five friends, pretty soon there won’t be a soul in the land voting for Democrats, and we’ll have our first Green majority in the House. Hooray!
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[...] little while back I got a personal email from the President of the United States asking for my commitment to vote. I wrote back and said sure, but not on your behalf, and explained in graceful but vitriolic terms [...]