Corporation to run in Maryland Congressional primary

PR firm Murray Hill Inc. has announced its entry into the Republican primary for Maryland’s 8th Congressional district, thereby becoming the first corporation to exercise its personhood by running for elective office. The company says that “Until now, corporate interests had to rely on campaign contributions and influence peddling to achieve their goals in Washington. But thanks to an enlightened Supreme Court, now we can eliminate the middle-man and run for office ourselves.”

Murray Hill Inc. plans on spending “top dollar” to protect its investment. “It’s our democracy,” Murray Hill Inc. says, “We bought it, we paid for it, and we’re going to keep it.”

Murray Hill Inc., a diversifying corporation in the Washington, D.C. area, has long held an interest in politics and sees corporate candidacy as an emerging new market.

The campaign’s designated human, Eric Hensal, will help the corporation conform to antiquated “human only” procedures and sign the necessary voter registration and candidacy paperwork. Hensal is excited by this new opportunity. “We want to get in on the ground floor of the democracy market before the whole store is bought by China.”

Given the business they’re in, the company is ideally positioned to run for office. Check out their first campaign video.

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5 Responses to “Corporation to run in Maryland Congressional primary”

1. 1
   Joe Says:
   

   Cute. The decision really didn’t say that corporate persons now have all the rights as human beings, but I guess if critics keep on repeating it enough times, it might come true.

   Sort of like saying “Candyman” three times or something.

   February 7th, 2010 at 4:10 am
2. 2
   Weldon Berger Says:
   

   I’m sure the corporate person known as Murray Hill is acquainted with an attorney or two, so they’re probably hip to the limits of the decision. I’m going to go out on a limb here and venture that their intent is satirical. It doesn’t seem all that much of a stretch to regard the opportunity to run for office as a free speech issue, though.

   February 7th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
3. 3
   Keifus Says:
   

   No lawyer me, but I understand that it’s not just corporations, but also other, largely hypothetical (nowadays) groups of like-minded individuals, such as unions.

   I can see the news reports now: “According to polls, the People’s Cooperative, Worker’s Local 1947, and the Murray Hill corporation are in a statistical dead heat…”

   February 8th, 2010 at 7:07 am
4. 4
   Weldon Berger Says:
   

   I wonder if national companies could field candidates in multiple districts or states. State and local elections would be important too. If they can resolve the matter of corporate citizenship, everybody will be good to go.

   February 8th, 2010 at 9:48 am
5. 5
   Keifus Says:
   

   Sure, Exxon and Texaco could battle for control of three or four states, Conagra vs. Monsanto will duke it out in the grain belt, and here in the northeast, the Citibank vs. AIG debates will be a perennial attraction. Why, I’m going to get cynical if I’m not careful.

   February 8th, 2010 at 12:08 pm

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