Bush Administration + $1 Trillion + Broad Powers = Bad, Bad Idea

Due to the theft of my computer I wasn’t able to comment in more or less real time on the much larger if less meaningful to me theft of $700 billion $1 trillion from the US Treasury. Yes, it was an inside job. In fact, everyone is on the inside except me and, maybe, you. Sucker.

The simplest part of this to understand is that when the Bush administration wants money and power, it will waste the former and abuse the latter. There’s no doubt here: that’s what they do. Their record is unblemished. So whatever the putative purpose of the money, the actual purpose is to do what Republicans are constantly warning that Democrats will do: take it from you and give it to their friends, who will spend it on parties to which you’re not invited and in fact would be killed if you tried to crash. Republicans project a lot; pretty much everything of which they accuse their opponents is something they’re doing or they want to do.

If the administration actually get what they want, and they will — Democrats are going through the ritual fierce opposition stage, which comes just before the complete capitulation phase — this is going to cost way more than $700 billion. I’m no financial wizard, but my calculations (based on essentially nothing) indicate that we’re looking at perhaps $3.5 trillion.

This is because the government has to buy a bunch of crap, for what the crapholders paid. Since the crap has been sliced and diced and traded a million ways from Sunday, increasing in price each step of the way, and since everyone saw the crap as astonishingly valuable (remind me to tell you my “Mmmmm: tastes like shit!” story sometime) and so had to get in on the action either by buying the crap, insuring the crap, speculating on the crap, indeed pretty much everything including, ultimately, voluntarily eating the crap, that means almost every banker, broker and insurer in the country will be reaching out to Uncle Sam.

Hilariously, the pretense that the crap is worth something will make many people behave as though it is worth something. And people rail against the dangers of video games. At least video games don’t make anyone eat crap and love it.

Now, because of the more important theft, that of our computer, we really haven’t had the time or, let’s face it, anything approaching the level of interest necessary to suss out the details on what many commentators are calling the “extraordinary powers” that the plan, written at least in part by treasury secretary Henry Paulson, affords treasury secretary Henry Paulson (although we were quick to notice the coincidence of the names and cabinet offices).

We can say, though, with considerable certainty, that whatever those powers are, they will be used in large part for things that have nothing to do with the matters at hand, and that someone, multiple someones, in the Bush administration view the crisis, to whatever extent it is one, as the perfect opportunity to expand the reach of the executive branch in ways that would have been unavailable or at least unpopular in other circumstances.

And now, dear reader, we must go because we’ve used up our 90 minutes on the public library computer. Not that we’re complaining, since it is after all the vast store of information with which we’re surrounded that makes possible the piquant contrast with our information-free predictions and prognoses.